Lyrics: No One Mourns The Wicked

[Ozians:] Good news, she's dead!
The witch of the west is dead!
The wickedest witch there ever was
The enemy of all of us here in Oz
Is dead! Good news! Good news!

[Ozian:] Look, it's Glinda!

(Glinda floats in on a giant bubble)

[Glinda:] It's good to see me, isn't it? (Ozians agree)
No need to respond, that was rhetorical.

[Fellow Ozians:] Let us be glad
Let us be grateful
Let us rejoicify that goodness could subdue
The wicked workings of you know who!
Isn't it nice to know
That good will conquer evil?
The truth we all believe'll by and by
Outlive a lie
For you and...

[Ozian:] Glinda! Exactly how dead is she?

[Glinda:] Well, there has been much rumor and speculation... Innuendo, outuendo... But let me set the record straight. According to the Time Dragon Clock, the melting occurred at the 13th hour; a direct result of a bucket of water thrown by a female child. Yes, the Wicked Witch of the West is dead!

[Ozian:] No one mourns the wicked!
[Ozian:] No one cries they won't return!
[Ozians:] No one lays a lily on their grave!
[Ozian man:] The good man scorns the wicked!
[Women:] Through their lives our children learn!
[Ozians:] What we miss when we misbehave!

[Glinda:] And goodness knows the wickeds' lives are lonely
Goodness knows the wicked die alone
It just shows when you're wicked
You're left only on your own
[Ozians:] Yes, goodness knows the wickeds' lives are lonely
Goodness knows the wicked cry alone
Nothing grows for the wicked
They reap only what they've sewn

[Ozian:] Glinda, why does wickedness happen?
[Glinda:] That's a good question; one that many people find confusifying. Are people born wicked, or do they have wickedness thrust upon them? After all, she had a childhood; she had a father, who just happed to be the governor of munchlinkland

(Witch's parents enter)

[Frex:] I’m off to the assembly, dear.
[Glinda:] She had a mother, as so many do...
[Frex:] How I hate to go and leave you lonely
[Melena:] That's alright, it’s only just one night
[Frex:] But know that you're here, in my heart
While I’m out of your sight!

(Frex exits. A lover runs into the room.)

[Glinda:] And like all families, they had their secrets.
[Lover:] Have another drink, my dark eyed beauty,
I've got one more night left here in town,
So have another drink of green elixir
And we'll have ourselves a little mixer
Have another little swallow little lady,
And follow me down
[Glinda:] And of course, from the moment she was born she was... well... different!
[Midwife:] AHH!! It's coming!
[Frex:] Now?
[Midwife:] The baby's coming!
[Frex:] And how!

[Midwife:] I see a nose!
[Frex:] I see a curl!
[Both:] It's a healthy, perfect, lovely little...
(they scream)
[Melena:] what is it? What's wrong?
[Midwife:] How can it be?
[Frex:] What does it mean?
[Midwife:] It's attrocious!
[Frex:] It's obscene!
[Both:] Like a froggy, ferny cabbage,
The baby is unnaturally green!!!
[Frex:] Take it away... Take it away!!!!
[Glinda:] So you see, it couldn't have been easy!

[Munchkins:] No one mourns the wicked!
Now at last, she's dead and gone!
Now at last there's joy throughout the land!
And goodness knows (goodness knows)
We know what goodness is (oohhh)
Goodness knows, the wicked die alone (she died alone)
Woe to those (woe to those)
Who spurn what goodnesses they are shown!
No one mourns the wicked (good news)
No one mourns the wicked (good news)
No one mourns... The wicked...
Wicked...
Wicked!!!!!

[Glinda:] Well, this has been fun! But as you can imagine I have much to attend to, what with the Wizard's unexpected departure. So, if there are no further questions...
[Ozian:] Glinda, is it true you were her friend?
Ozians Gasp
[Glinda:] Well, I... You see... Um... Yes.
Louder Gasps
[Glinda:] Well, it depends on what you mean by "friend". She Motions Her Bubble Downward. I did know her. That is, our paths did cross... At school. But you must understand, it was a long time ago and we were both very young.