Lyrics: Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me

Oh the sand keeps falling through the hourglass
and there's no way you're going to slow it down
you say we gotta treasure each moment
who knows how long we're gonna be around
yeah you keep on telling me life is short
and its hard to disagree with what you say
but if time is so precious why ya wasting mine
cuz I'm always reading
always deleting
every useless piece of garbage that you send my way
every stupid hoax
all those corny jokes
stop forwarding that crap to me
well I don't need tons of cringe inducing puns
stop forwarding that crap to me
no it isn't ok if you brighten my day
with some cut and pasted hackneyed Hallmark poetry
and I didn't request a personality test
stop forwarding that crap to me

Ahhhh
you're sending virus latent you're sending virus-laden bandwidth-hogging attachments to every single person you know
you're passing around a link to some dumb thing on YouTube
that everybody else already saw three years ago
and wacky badly Photoshopped billboard were never that amusing to me
and I just can't believe you believe those urban legends
but I have high hopes that someone will point you toward Snopes
and debunk that crazy junk you're spewing constantly

No I don't want a bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul
stop forwarding that crap to me
send more top 10 lists and I'll slash my wrists
please stop forwarding that crap to me
well I'm sorry i can't accept your paranoid rant
and I don't want the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe
won't you kindly refrain cuz its hurting my brain
stop forwarding that crap to me...

Like glittery hearts and unicorns and pictures of somebody's cat
now tell me in what alternate reality will I care about something like that?
and by the way your quotes from George Carlin aren't really George Carlin
Mr. Rogers never fought the Viet Cong
and Bill Gates is never gonna give me something for nothing
and I really doubt some dead girl is gonna kill me if I don't pass her letter along

Well now I know you're wishing
I'll sign your petition
but stop forwarding that crap to me
and I don't want to read your series
of conspiracy theories
just stop forwarding that crap to me
and your two million loser friends
all have my address because you never figured out the way to BCC
but now I gotta insist
take me off of your list
stop forwarding that crap to me
(stop forwarding that crap to me
stop forwarding that crap to me
stop forwarding that crap to me
stop forwarding that crap to me)
just stop it now
oh no
(stop forwarding that crap to me) [repeats]
i can't take it
aw please
you gotta stop
right now
I'm not kidding
at the risk of being slightly repetitious gonna ask you now to stop
sending me that crap
I don't want it
don't send it to me
now don't send it to me
just stop forwarding that crap to me
stop forwarding that crap to me
to me