Lyrics: The Ballad Of Floor Buffer Smurf

Hello! So you've had an hour... you've had an hour drinking, starting fights. But we were told - Catholic priests, prostitutes, smurfs, a gay housemate with the same name, floor buffer, and a bit of Shaggy somewhere in there, and it's kind of in a Pogue style - you're familiar with the Pogue's body of work?
So what we've written is, basically, a love story that takes place in Smurfland.
Yeah, baby! Let's do it!
Thanks for sticking around for an hour, guys.

It's a happy old life, being a Smurf
We don't have a worry or care on the Earth
We love all the sights and the sounds and the smells
Except for that dirty old Gargamel

Now the only imbalance I see in Smurf-Land
Is there's only one female from west to the east
Lady Smurf
Everyone's had her, except Papa Smurf
Cause he's training to be a Catholic Priest

But Lady Smurf has decided to charge
She's so in demand that she's charging a fee
She's so busy fuckin', there's no time for me

Now I buff the floors of Smurf-Land, you see
And they never made a figurine out of me
I'm just Floor Buffer Smurf, I'm no-one in her eyes
So she's been hanging out with the popular guys

And there's so many smurfs that they sell at BP
She loves all the others, so why not me
There's King Smurf and Skate Smurf and Massive Cock Smurf
But strangely they never made a figurine out of that one but I can understand why she would hang out with him
Yeah

But Lady Smurf has decided to charge
She's so in demand that she's charging a fee
She's so busy smurfin', there's no time for me

'Scuse me, how much for a smurf job
That'll be eight smurfs. Do you want me to smurf you, while I smurf you
Actually, no, I just want you to smurf me off

Well, my name finally made it to the top of her list
But I was out buffin' some floors that day
My house-mate's name matched with the one in her book
So she went to smurf him but he was gay

Shaggy!
Shaggy!

But Lady Smurf has decided to charge
She's so in demand that she's charging a fee
She's so busy shaggin'
There's no time for me

Woh, woh, woh

Goodnight! Thanks so much!
Thank you!