Lyrics: Lonesome Cowboy Nando

Frank:
My name is Nando,
I'm a marine biologist.
All my friends,
they call me "Doh".

Ike & Mike:
Hi, Doh!

Frank:
All my family,
from someplace in this area,
And they complain if I talk about this horrible pizza
during the show.

All:
Come out here, to Californy,
Just to find me some pretty girls.
Ones I seen gets me so horny,
Ruby lips, 'n teeth like pearls.

Wanna love 'em all, wanna love 'em dearly.
Wanna a jellyfish, I'll even pay.
I'll buy 'em furs, I'll buy 'em pizza,
I know they like me, here's what I'll say:

(1971:)

Jimmy Carl Black:
I'm lonesome cowboy Burt.
Speakin' atcha!
Won'tcha smell my fringe-y shirt?
Reekin' atcha!
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance
On this here waitress...

Mark & Howard:
He's lonesome cowboy Burt. A-Ha!
Don'tcha get his feelings hurt.

Jimmy:
Come on in this place
An' I'll buy you a taste.
You can sit on my face.
Where's my waitress?

Mark & Howard:
Burtram, Burtram redneck!
Burtram, Burtram redneck!

Jimmy:
I'm an awful nice guy.
Worked all day in the sun.
I'm a roofer by trade,
Quite a bundle I've made,
I'm a unionized roofin' old son-of-a-gun.

Mark & Howard:
He's a unionized roofin' old son of a gun!

(1988:)

Ike:
"Darling, I crazy go nuts when I hear this,
you know what I'm sayin'?"

Frank:
When I get off, I get plastered.
I swim till I fall on the jellyfish.
Then I find me some academic kind of illustrator,
I describe the little dangling utensils on this thing,
And tell him to draw it up
so it looks just like a brand new jellyfish.

Ike & Mike:
(trying to follow along, they sing some gibberish)

Frank:
"Take that! Take that!"
I fuss an' I cuss and I keep on swimmin',
Till my snorkel puffs up an' turns red.
I drool on my shorts,
I do some water sports,
Then I take the jellyfish back to my house
And stick it in the bed! "Sorta..."

Ike & Mike:
"Whaddya do?"
Stick it again in the bed!

Frank:
"That's right!

Ike & Mike:
Stick it again in the bed!
Stick it again in the bed!
Stick it again in the bed!

(1971:)

Jimmy:
Lonesome cowboy Burt.
Speakin' atcha!
Smell my fringe-y shirt.
Reekin' atcha!
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance
On this here waitress!

Mark & Howard:
He's lonesome cowboy Burt. Yee-ha!
Don'tcha get his feelings hurt!

Jimmy:
Come on in this place,
an' I'll buy you a taste.
You can sit on my face.
Where's my waitress?

"Opal, you hot little bitch!"