Lyrics: Much Too Skinny For The Army

Hey, stop for a second. I mean, really stop. What if Tripod had to write a song about army recruitment? With a reference to McLeod's Daughters? Well, turns out they DID have to!

Joining today's modern defence force is hard enough. First you have to choose - Navy, Air Force, Army, KISS Army, Salvation Army, Army of Darkness. But even once you've chosen, you have to make the grade

I'm way too skinny for the army
Way too slender for the job
What can I do if my country doesn't want me
Cause my talents only stretch to mini-golf

I'm way too uncool for the army
All that running through car tyres
I guess that would come in handy
If you invaded a country whose terrain was all car tyres

But I'm skinny and I'm clever
Maybe now, more than ever
The technology has caught up with me
If wars have gone all electronic
I could fight them with my joystick
As long as they bring pizza to me
Then I could be in the army

It's not tricky to imagine
Controlling reconnaissance robots, maybe mine-detecting robots
Even robots who run through tyres

But I'm skinny and I'm clever
Maybe now, more than ever
The technology has caught up with me
If wars have gone all electronic
I could fight them with my joystick
While watching McLeod's Daughters on TV
Then I could be in the army

I was never good at PacMan
But at Defender I'd light up the skies
I was never good at Frogger
It's much too much like hopping over tyres
And if I don't get in the army
I could become an evil mastermind
Live in an underwater tower
And wearing shiny skivvies all the time
That would be fine

I'm skinny and I'm clever
Maybe now, more than ever
The technology has caught up with me
If I could make up my mind
If wars have gone all electronic
I could fight them with my joystick
As long as they bring pizza to me
Then I could be in the army
Thankyou