Lyrics: If You're Feeling Sinister

Anthony walked to his death because he thought he'd never feel this way again
If he goes back to the house then things would go from bad to worse, what could he do?
He wants to remember things exactly as he left them on that funny day
And if there is something else beyond, he isn't scared because
It's bound to be less boring than today
It's bound to be less boring than tomorrow

Hilary walked to her death because she couldn't think of anything to say
Everybody thought that she was boring, so they never listened anyway
Nobody was really saying anything of interest, she fell asleep
She was into S&M and bible studies
Not everyone's cup of tea she would admit to me
Her cup of tea, she would admit to no one
Her cup of tea, she would admit to me
Oh but her cup of tea, she would admit to no one

Hilary went to the Catholic Church because she wanted information
The vicar, or whatever, took her to one side and gave her confirmation
Saint Theresa's calling her, the church up on the hill is looking lovely
But it doesn't interest, the only things she wants to know is
How and why and when and where to go
How and why and when and where to follow
How and why and when and where to go
How and why and when and where to follow

But if you are feeling sinister
Go off and see a minister
He'll try in vain to take away the pain of being a hopeless unbeliever
la la la la la la la

When she got back, her spirituality was thrown into confusion
So she got a special deal on renting
From the man at Rediffusion
"Look at me! I'm on TV
It makes up for the shortcomings of being poor
Now I'm in a million pieces", picked up for deliberation
By the people listening at home
By the people watching on the telly
By the people listening at home
By the people watching on the telly

But if you are feeling sinister
Go off and see a minister
He'll try in vain to take away the pain of being a hopeless unbeliever
la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la
But if you are feeling sinister
Go off and see a minister
Chances are you'll probably feel better
If you stayed and played with yourself